My Mother-In-Law Is So Good To Me, It’s Unreal.

My Mother-In-Law Is So Good To Me, It’s Unreal.

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My Mother-In-Law (MIL) is so good to me, it’s unreal. She isn’t a MIL. She’s my Mum -In-Love!

I may not have gotten many things right in my lifetime, but I’m sure that I MUST have done something outstanding to be blessed with someone like her, and I will be telling you the ten reasons why I love her.

Now, hold up and wait a minute, everyone.

I’m not here to cast aspersions upon anyone who’s had or is having a horrendous family situation.

Neither am I here to commonise the truth of your experiences.

I’m entirely in terms with the fact that a nasty MIL situation is one many women may have no choice but to endure, and  it shatters my heart to see daughters-in-law be in such a horrible space.

The Age Long Mother-In-Law And Daughter In Law Feud

My Mother-In-Law Is So Good To Me, It’s Unreal.
Image Credit: Gutzemberg

The Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law (DIL) feud is an age-long thorn in the flesh that spurns across continents.

It’s so bad that some girls have vowed only to marry men who don’t have mums and have lost out on good men in the process.

I used to think that the MIL issue was peculiar to my part of the world until I saw the movie the monster in law.

In it, I saw the full extent of this misnomer play out across generations, a MIL hell-bent on making her DIL’s life miserable.

As the movie progressed, we’ll discover that she, too, was dealt a similar blow by her tyrannical MIL.

It showed that this phenomenon is a worldwide menace that wouldn’t go away unless we, as women, consciously challenge this unpalatable narrative.

One of the reasons why I think this feud has continued to perpetuate itself is the lack of trust.

There Is A Lack Of Trust

There is this and some!

There are the protocols that have to be observed and the oddities to navigate, so much so that we don’t often know how to approach each other.

And some feel justified for not wanting to develop any form of relationship at all.

I may never be good enough for her son, some wives may suppose, so why try in the first place? They might ask.

This hostility, assumed or real, has caused untold emotional pain for both MILs and DILs, and on the receiving end is usually the bone of contention, the man.

Some mothers have lost their sons to their wives embrace without given the opportunity to prove themselves.

Their DILs have banged their doors on their faces before any form of interaction has taken place.

I’ll say not all MILs are unforgivably duplicitous. I’d also say to DILs to tread softly. There is a very delicate thread here.

Allow for time. Please get to know her and leave room for human shortcomings before your draw your conclusions.

After all, we all know how mothers can be like sometimes.

Your mum can be impossible too, but because your MIL isn’t your mum, her fair judgments of you and situations could be misconstrued as toxic.

That been said, if you’re uncertain about yours, here are a few pointers to tell you whether she’s toxic or not.

15 Signs Of A Toxic Mother-In-Law

My Mother-In-Law Is So Good To Me, It’s Unreal.
Image Credit: Cottonbro

She does the following:

  • Refuses to acknowledge you as her son’s wife.
  • Believes you aren’t good enough for him.
  • Prefers his ex to you and doesn’t hide it.
  • Finds your parenting skills appalling.
  • Critical of your home and decorating skills.
  • Nitpicks at everything you do or say.
  • Always speaks ill of you to her son and others.
  • Accuses you unjustly.
  • Undermines your authority in your home.
  • She often takes sides against you.
  • Causes tension between you and your husband whenever she visits your home.
  • Might get verbally and/or physically abusive towards you.
  • Takes away your peace whenever she comes around.
  • May or may not invite you to family events.
  • Let’s you know that she doesn’t like you!

These are just some of the signs of a toxic MIL.

If she exhibits these and more, you’ll know that your work is clearly cut out for you.

Unless there’s divine intervention or her son stands up to her, or you stand up for yourself, things may stay that way for an awfully long time.

That doesn’t mean that things can’t take a turn for the better. Things can thaw out eventually.

Just like the movie, you may have to find a fine balance.

Next, I’ll be telling you the ten reasons why I love my mother-in-law.

Also See: Reflecting On My Mum And Missung Her This Mother’s Day

Here Are The 10 Reasons Why I Love My Mother-In-Law

My Mother-In-Law Is So Good To Me, It’s Unreal.
Image Credit: Monkey Business Image

She Is So Sweet, It’s Unreal

My husband and I were introduced to each other by a family friend.

It was a long period of “selling the product” that eventually became my husband; three years to be precise.

I remember the friend telling me one day:

“His mom is adorable, it’s unreal”.

Let’s say it has been four years of knowing her, and my family friend was right. 

She Is A Giver

My MIL has been consistent from day one.

You could never leave her house without a bag of something.

Best of all, she never visits us empty-handed.

She extends her generosity, giving her friends supplements and goody bags from her trips abroad.

And always has a bag for everybody.

Sometimes, I’m careful to say that I like something because I’m sure I would get it the next time.

She Is An Energy Ball

There’s never a dull moment around her.

She’d make me laugh with stories about my husband when he was younger, fill me in on gists, and listen with rapt attention to updates on my life and friends.

She Is A Full-On Fashionista

I could never keep up.

She loves to match her outfits with her jewellery and glasses. She loves her makeup and loves to look her best, whether she’s going out or not.

70 or not, she has everything. From Mac powder to blush, concealer and lipsticks in different shades.

She also keeps a consistent beauty routine with her night creams and lotions.

I must add that she has beautiful and flawless skin too.

She’d often complain that I leave my face bare and would encourage me to use some powder.

Her nails are always nicely done. She doesn’t miss her mani-pedi time.

I really should be more like her.

To Know Her Is To Love Her

To know Mamma Luf is to love her. She’s so beautiful outside and even lovelier on the inside.

You would never catch her being a wallflower.

She loves to serve and immerse herself in doing things for other people.

When my grandmother passed, she visited with her friends and brought them all to support my mom at the ceremonies.

She sees herself as one of us and will often ask when there is a family occasion, “what are WE doing” never separating herself.

She’s friends with all my uncles and would often call to check on them.

She Loves Peace

Mamma Luf loves peace. She doesn’t like strife and conflict. She pursues peace with an enthusiasm I can’t explain.

She wants everyone to live together in love all the time. Our video calls are frequent. More like four times a week.

Through our many video calls, she’s become e-friends with my friends and always remembers everyone the next time she calls.

She starts our conversations with “hello baby” and is always quick to tell my husband to “take care of her baby”, which is such a contrast from being the number one girl on my side, and I must say I love being babied.

She Loves Her Children And Me!

I admire the way she loves her children. She would do almost anything for them and prays for each one of her grand kids by name.

It’s no surprise they show such great care for her. They had an excellent teacher!

“When I developed cold feet before the wedding and did not want to go on, my mother-in-law called me first thing in the morning and promised to take care of me.”

She said she was coming to my house to hug me. And she was there.

She Made My Transition Into The Family Easy

I told her sometime last year that she makes adjusting to married life easy.

It was and still is, the truth. I do not do “new” very well.

She made the transition into her family amazingly easy and comfortable for me.

She Redefines The Negative Narrative

To know support from my MIL the way I have is a huge blessing I am grateful to God for. She truly redefines the African narrative.

“Your MIL can and should be your best friend”.

She Is A Godly Woman

She serves actively at church with the Guild of Stewards at the Anglican Church.

She is wholly dedicated to her team and does not mind spending long hours at church, helping.

I have just given a short version of who she truly is. I love her like she was my biological mother and would do absolutely anything for her.

I pray we have many beautiful and peaceful years together. I’m blessed to have her in my corner.

She’s the best!

 

Abby Lufadeju

Abby Lufadeju

4 thoughts on “My Mother-In-Law Is So Good To Me, It’s Unreal.

  1. Peace

    I believe both MIL and DIL can comfortably enjoy each other’s company and presence if they both give room for understanding.
    If the MIL understands that at some point she needs to let her son go to experience another form and level of love, and the DIL also understands that this mother loves her child and it is not easy for her to let go, and so taking it easy on her.

    If this is considered it’s only a matter of time and they will both be singing lullabies together.

    1. Ibinabo Enebi

      Dear Peace,
      I love that you use the conditional “if”. Things can change for the better if both MIL & DIL are willing to put themselves in each other’s shoes and find a balance within their boundaries.

      Mutual respect and understanding is key.

  2. Dee

    Lovely article!! Very inspiring.

    1. Ibinabo Enebi

      Hi Dee,
      I am glad to know that you found the article inspire. Abby touched on some salient points. It’s time we change the narrative.

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